Scorching Flames of Depravity
It was a night like no other, a night with a destiny. A destiny that promised to knock down my point of view and interchange it with a newfound sense of oblivion. I was drowning in bottoms, the bottoms of whiskey glasses and the bottoms of gin bottles, not realizing what I had done and what I had become. I had become a depraved slave to the inferno that I had willingly lit.
My emotions smoldered trying to burst into boiling flames of fury and recklessness. I questioned my sanity and teetering hands to the liquid I had taken in an unceasing cycle. Burning with pride and shame, Could it be the whiskey? Could it be the gin? I fear the loss of control that has unleashed inside and taken over my mind and heart.
Every nerve erupted into a devastating fire of destruction, with its scorching heat and explosive energy, I still wanted more of the burning liquor. I knew not a single morsel of wisdom that might quench the flame. I walked in the night, in search of a cup of solace from the dark taverns of solace.
A sip of whiskey, one of gin, could that be it? Locked in a battle between my sound mind and grotesque thoughts, I was at bay for what can I do when I am lost in the swirling vortex of enslavement. Could it be the whiskey? Could it be the gin?
Tearful Screams of Regret
The harsh reality had engulfed me, slowly digging deep and laying the groundwork for a result, an end. With anxiety rushing to my veins, I was no longer the me that felt nothing but pleasurable glee. Now, all I can feel is a sense of regret, bubbling through my teary eyes and choking throat.
My heart echoed the fiery screams of fear and pain. Did it have to be this way? Could I have done something to stop the overflowing of tears? Could I not drink? Where did I make the mistake?
Answers to all those questions lingered on my mind, but I still could not get myself locked away and dismissed the horrific aftermath of what once was my favourite activity. Could it be the whiskey? Grappling with poverty and could it be the gin? Agonizingly digging for answers, I found none and no one to take the blame but me.
Was I a fool for ever starting this journey? A journey with an obvious and predestined end – regret and rejections. Had I been a little more cautious, could I have predetermined this choice? Could it be the whiskey? Could it be the gin?
The Loneliness and Isolation
My anger had subsided, I was ready to face the loneliness and isolation that had been always there, lurking in the shadows of my mind. It was always there, but I suppressed it with each and every bottle, searching for answers in vain.
Alone in the dark and dismal taverns of sorrow, I find myself unintentionally reviling in admiration for what I had done. Every drink and every binge had brought me closer to heavenly realm, although corrupted my perception until I found there was nothing there.
My eyes searched through the obscuring darkness for signs of life, for somebody that I can talk to, somebody that can help me find a way out of my own prison. I grasp for a heart that can understand the plight of my life, Could it be the whiskey? Could it be the gin?
Shielded by pessimism, I stop and look around taking in a deep breath of remorse and hatred, deep down I knew the really had no one but myself to blame. I drank my sorrow away and I fought my life away, but still I was ever lost in a black sea.
Struggling and Fighting
The pain that weighed me down never letting me escape truly had engulfed me in an all-encompassing fog. I had once thought that this destructive pleasure was merely a passing infatuation. Little did I know that I was battling a hurricane of emotions, that I would never truly come out of unscathed.
I was raped with bitter realities and harsh judgments from those around me. I struggled and fought all my life, searching for something that would free me from the chain of addiction and infatuation. My heart screamed for mercy, for mercy from my subconscious and people around me.
I was broken and battered, not knowing what was real and what was fake. Searching for my own soul, in the darkest places of the night. I wanted to make it out, make it out of my own grave of oppression and grief. But, how? Could it be the whiskey? Could it be the gin?
All I wanted was to be happy, to be free, but here I was with my hands bound in a web of guilt and depreciation. I was facing a deep, dark abyss of emotions, and I dreaded every step I took forward.
Enlightenment in the Cave of Degradation
In the midst of my distress and despair, I had found something new. A newfound feeling that I never experienced before, a feeling of understanding and sympathy for myself. It had taken me deep into the depths of my soul, and slowly, I had embraced it.
There was nothing around me but the stark darkness of my own mind, a darkness that hid the true masterpiece of my being. I was slowly being revealed to myself, and in that transformation, I had found a fire that could never die.
I was coming closer to the truth, but I was afraid of letting the light in. I was engulfed in whiskey and gin, and it was making me numb, feeling nothing at all. It had taken me to new heights and new depths, but I had finally found the courage to dream.
I had seen the infinity of my inner world and I wanted more. I had broken free, breaking free from the vile and vicious cycle of consumption. The poison had finally left my body, I had found enlightenment in the cave of degradation. Could it be the whiskey? Could it be the gin?
Redemption in a Bottomless Pit
I had stared myself in the face and found that I could heal from the inside. I had finally come to accept the reality of my situation. I had uncovered a truth that I had always wanted to hide away and forget.
I stood strong on a broken bridge of redemption, only to jump into the bottomless pit of freedom. I was still feeling sick by what I had done, what I had been, but for the first time, I had found the courage to be happy and to be content with who I am.
Putting all my fears behind me, I stepped forward. I had taken a leap of faith, hoping that what awaits in the other side of the bridge was still a hopeful future. I was still scarred by my transformation, but I was willing to let it go. Could it be the whiskey? Could it be the gin?
Slowly, I was being raised above the stars and looked down at the world below me. I had finally found what I needed, something that I had been searching for a long time. All my suffering had become another pain replaced with a beauty and the beast. A beauty that I wanted to share. A beauty that I could share.
